Excerpt of Silly Fears

Silly Fears

Chapter 1

Yessica kept her gaze down to the floor, studying the multicolored flecks in the school’s tile floor.
Counting the tiles slowed her racing heart...if only for a moment.

Think about something else. Think about something else.

Chewing on her bottom lip, she counted the minutes in her head. She would have looked up at the
clock on the wall but then she would see it, see him.

Damn it. What the hell was wrong with her? She was too old to still be gripped by this fear. Steeling
her nerves, she brought her gaze up just to make sure her students were all behaving. If the school
hadn’t demanded that there be two teachers to attend a school function then she would have bailed.

“What a clown,” Yessica’s co-worker, another fellow kindergarten teacher, whispered. They both sat at
the back of the classroom during the rainbow-colored man’s antics.

Yessica couldn’t watch him. With each loud, howling laugh he bellowed, her body trembled. Her only
comfort came from the follow-up chirpy laughter from the children that trailed his.

How the hell had she let her cousin, Marcus, convince her this was a good idea? When he’d begged
her to let one of his acts come into her class to drum up business for his all African-American traveling
circus, she just knew he would have brought in a juggler or maybe the guy who had the trained dogs
running through obstacles.

He knew her fear of clowns. Coulrophobia. She’d read all that she could on the condition. Still didn’t
calm her anxiety about the pasty-faced performers.

Marcus used to tease her whenever their parents took them out to get Happy Meals. Marcus had
happily bounded inside of the restaurant that had a demonic-looking clown named Ronald as its
mascot. Meanwhile Yessica stayed in the car, sobbing until they came back with her meal in a plain
bag.

Now she wondered who her cousin would hook her up with since she had made an trade-off. She
would let him bring one of his Soul-to-Soul Circus acts in her class in exchange for a date with one of
his friends. He kept talking to her about one of his best friends and old fraternity brother named Kevin
who came from Louisiana.

Yessica had never seen the man but from what she heard from Marcus about how the man was into
sports, ran marathons and was really good to his mama, that was all Yessica needed to hear.

She imagined that if he was one of Marcus’s fraternity brothers then he was a true brotha. And since
he was into sports, then Kevin probably had muscular legs, a strong wide back and arms that would be
great to hold onto during sex. And if he was good to his mother then the man would probably treat her
right. Yessica could always tell the ones who would treat her right on a date just from how they treated
their mothers.

Now if she could only get through this one moment for her meeting with him tonight, she would be
okay. Yessica took in a couple of deep breaths to stop her trembling body. Didn’t help.

“God, how long has this guy been on?” Yessica asked Hedda.

Hedda glanced at her watch wrapped around her chubby wrist. “I don’t know. Five, ten minutes
maybe.”

“That long?” Yessica wiped her forehead now covered in sweat. She felt her hairs sticking to her
forehead and when she snaked her hand to the back of her head, hot sweat met her fingertips.

Damn near panting, Yessica pressed her hands against her thighs. Mid-May in Virginia Beach
brought thick humidity to the area. And since Yessica taught at one of the oldest elementary schools in
the district, the air conditioning wasn’t always one hundred percent. Today just happened to be one of
those days where the a/c went kaput.

“Honey, you don’t look so good. You want to get some fresh air or something? I’ll keep an eye out for
the kids for a while.” Hedda put her hand on Yessica’s shoulder.

Her touch, meant to comfort Yessica, made Yessica jump.

“You are wound up tight.” Hedda patted Yessica’s back.

“Yes, air. I’ll be right back.” Yessica stood.

“I see a volunteer in the back of the room!” exclaimed Kee Kee the Clown.

By the time Yessica slid down from the table and brought her head up, she was face to face with Kee
Kee. Although dressed in multicolored vertical stripped pants and a tent-like top, Kee Kee had an
intimidating, hulking height that forced her to peer up at him.

Her gaze connected with his deep, dark, dirt colored eyes. Here she was faced to face with the one
thing that truly terrified her. The garish white makeup covered the man’s face. He had an exaggerated
red ring around his mouth and eyebrows that were in the shapes of teepees.

Unable to breathe, Yessica stood cemented in her spot, staring at her demon.

“Well, little lady,” he said in a cutesy, sing-song voice. “The audience is waiting.”

Yessica’s stomach coiled into a knot until she felt like vomiting all over his long, wide, red floppy
shoes. Seeing that would make the kids happy.

She flinched but covered her surprised gesture with an embarrassed smile. “Oh, no. Not me,” she
said as she waved her hand to shoo him away. “Use one of the kids.”

Unfortunately since she was daydreaming about her fine prospects for that night, the one she imagined
with strong legs and broad shoulders, she had no idea what this clown had in store.

“No, Miss Battle,” the class said in unison as though coached by Kee Kee. “He needs a big person.”

Kee Kee held out his gloved hand. Staring at it, the room and everything in it started spinning. The
brightly colored pictures that the children had painted and were hung on the walls all swirled together.

Looking up at the fluorescent lighting to regain her senses, it was only then that Yessica heard a small
sniffle. Peering around the brooding clown, she saw Tiffany, a shy little girl from her class, crying as
she sat on the floor.

“I’m sorry. You’ll have to choose someone else.” Yessica darted to the child, trying hard not to stumble
on her wobbly legs. “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go outside and talk about what’s bothering you.”

Although Yessica felt like a heel being happy to have an escape route due to this girl’s pain, it relieved
her to not have to face Kee Kee, which would mean facing her fears.

As soon as Yessica pulled the child to her feet, Kee Kee grabbed Hedda instead. The children
cheered. In an exaggerated motion, Kee Kee clomped through the kids, flopping his red shoes that
squeaked with each step with her dear friend trailing behind him.

Yessica was sorry to leave her friend in that type of predicament but there would have been no way
she could have gone through with whatever Kee Kee had had planned for her.

“Come on, Tiffany.”

Sitting outside on the front steps of the school, Yessica handed the small child a cup of water. While
the child sipped the water in her Spongebob Squarepants cup, Yessica dabbed the tears from her
eyes.

“You want to talk about it?” Yessica asked.

The girl lowered her head. Her breath caught in irregular intervals.

“You don’t have to talk about whatever is bothering you, Tiffany. But you know talking about it may
make you feel better.”

Deep down, Yessica wanted the girl to keep mum until the clown was safely stowed in his little car and
motoring down the street.

“I’m scared,” the child said in a whisper of a voice.

“Scared of what?” Yessica tried lowering her tone to match the child’s.

“Promise you won’t laugh?” The child peered up. Tears filled her big, blue eyes. Stray strands of her
blonde hair secured in ponytails whipped around her face.

“Of course I wouldn’t laugh at you.” Yessica rubbed the child’s back.

“I don’t like Kee Kee.”

Yessica nodded. Digging down deep, she had to say something to calm this child’s fears even though
she harbored the same dread herself. So instead she thought about it as though the child had said
she was afraid of puppies.

Wrapping her arm around Tiffany’s shoulders, she pressed the child against her and stroked her hair.
“It’s okay to be afraid of things. Lots of people have different fears. That’s what makes us all special.”

“You aren’t afraid of anything, are you, Miss Battle?”

Yessica squeezed her eyes shut, thankful her student couldn’t see her harried expression. “I have
things that make me feel uncomfortable.”

Tiffany turned her gaze up. “You do?”

Yessica nodded. “Sure. The trick is to tell yourself ‘If it can’t cook and eat me then I don’t need to
worry’.”

The statement made the girl giggle. “Miss Battle.”

“Come on. Say it with me.”

The two said the line together. Only one of the two meant it. The child smiled after saying it. Yessica
hadn’t.

“Kee Kee can’t cook me.” Tiffany shook her head.

“No, he sure can’t. Not with me in the room.” Yessica took a deep breath. She could feel her insides
quivering at her next inquiry. “So are you ready to go back inside?”

The child looked down then back up at her teacher. “Would it be okay if we sat out here a little bit
longer?”

Yessica smiled. “Sure. We learned about leaves last week. You want to show me what you
remembered?”

With enough enthusiasm to knock a horse over, Tiffany sprang to her feet and ran over to the nearest
tree. Yessica stood and followed the child, relieved that she at least calmed her fears about clowns. If
only Yessica could believe her own advice.

The beauty of being a child was that they were so adaptable, flexible in their thinking. The curse of
adolescence was that some fears carried on throughout a person’s life. Some fears couldn’t be
shaken.

# # #

“Thank you for letting me come play with you today, boys and girls! Kee Kee had fun!”

The class cheered and clapped. A couple of the students even stood and jumped up and down. The
teacher used as the clown’s little helper earlier, now with her face painted up like a clown, asked for
the students to calm themselves down. What a spoiled sport.

A clearing throat demanded attention. Marcus. He raised his eyebrows and rubbed his thumb and
first two fingers together, the international sign for money.

“And don’t forget, boys and girls, if you want to see me or any of my friends, have your parents or
guardians bring you out to see the Soul-to-Soul Circus that’ll be in town tomorrow night!”

Another eruption of cheers roared from the group.

“Okay, let’s thank Kee Kee and Mr. Carter for their time,” the teacher said.

In unison, the children thanked them. Then the teacher had them line up to go to the bathroom.
Once the room emptied, Marcus marched over to the clown.

“Good work today,” Marcus said.

Kevin didn’t want to hear it. “This is the last time I bail you out. You know I had plans to get in a good
workout before my date tonight with your cousin.”

“I know. I know. But hey, what did you think of her? I did you right, didn’t I?” Marcus nodded.

As much as he hated to admit his friend was right, he had set him up nicely. Kevin tried hard to get
some face time with her before their blind date tonight but she wasn’t having it. At least she turned him
down to help a child. Seeing a woman with her maternal instincts kicked into full gear always turned
him on.

“She’s cute,” Kevin said as he collected his bag of tricks.

Cute didn’t come close to describing her. She let her naturally curly hair flow wild and free over her
head. Her big brown eyes sucked him in until all he wanted to do was to swim in them. And he
couldn’t help but steal a glance at her frame as she walked out the door with the crying little girl. Nice
sized tits. High, rounded ass. Long legs that he could see wrapped around his body. Oh yes. A better
word to describe her would have been fine.

“She seemed a little skittish. Did you tell her it was me under the makeup?” Kevin asked. He hiked
his bag over his shoulder and headed out the door with his best friend.

“How could she know? I asked you last minute to fill in for my knucklehead of a friend. I’m sure he’s
laid up with some chick right about now, which is why he never answered his cell phone.”

“I could have come in here and juggled. You know I’m good at that.”

“Yeah, only one problem.”

Marcus opened the door for Kevin.

“Yeah. What’s that?” Kevin asked.

“You’re white. Can’t have a white guy representing the Soul-to-Soul Circus.”

“And why not? That’s discrimination.”

“We can argue about that later, Mr. Attorney.”

A bell chimed ending the school day.

Marcus continued. “For now you need to get yourself home and ready. My cousin likes her dates on
time and looking sharp.”

“What else does Jessica like?” Kevin asked.

“She likes for her man to pronounce her name correctly. It’s Yessica, not Jessica.”

Kevin got to his Saab and loaded his bag in the backseat. “Oh, I thought you were having a problem
with your mouth or something. I heard you say Yessica but I thought you were just playing around.”

“No jokes, partner. Treat her right. She did a good thing for me and I owe her big.”

Marcus trotted over to his huge Hummer. Guess the circus business paid well.

“Hey, one last question,” Kevin said.

“What, man?”

“She doesn’t have a problem with the white thing, right?” Kevin had assumed that since Marcus had
set him up that she wouldn’t have had a problem. But he’d been through enough double dates with the
man where he ended up with the friend of Marcus’s date who wasn’t down for hanging out with whitey
all night long.

Marcus snickered. “She doesn’t have a problem with the type of white you’re talking about. Have a
good time tonight and remember, don’t be late.”

With that cryptic line, Marcus sped off in his gas-guzzler.

Kevin didn’t know what Marcus was talking about but he wanted to be for damn sure he didn’t screw
anything up with this woman.

Copyright © 2005 by Bridget Midway. All rights reserved.